Have You Been Coldplayed?

I try to stay away from pop-culture, clickbait blog posts, but the recent video clip of the Astronomer CEO and “Chief People Officer” at the Foxboro Coldplay concert is just too juicy to pass up. Even the Philly Phanatic got in on this one. Before we get to the divorce implications, as a lawyer, the first thing that struck me was that the woman in the clip is the company’s director of human resources. So, isn’t she the one who is responsible for company employment policies and puts on the presentations on harassment in the workplace and what to do and not do at company events? I will leave that blog for the Employment Law Department at my firm.

As a family law attorney, my sympathies go out to the spouses of the two individuals in the video. Obviously, things at home will never be the same or, at least, will not be healed for a long time. For those two presumably innocent spouses who were home during the concert, I offer a few thoughts.

First, don’t panic. You might feel like you are adrift in an ocean of emotions with no life raft in sight, but, unfortunately, things like this happen all the time. You are not alone. Do not be embarrassed and do not be afraid to seek some form of psychological, as well as legal, counseling. In our technologically advanced world, there are cameras and other recording devices everywhere and incidents like this will be recorded and shared ad infinitum. Cheating in a marriage has gone on as long as there have been marriages. Today it is just tougher to get away with it.

Second, while the obvious emotional reaction may be to cause the cheating spouse as much pain as you have endured, resist the temptation to shoot the golden goose. I am assuming that at least one, if not both of the two people in the Kiss Cam video make a significant income – an income that may dwarf his or her spouse’s. The family’s economic situation is almost entirely dependent on that spouse’s income. Calling his or her boss or primary investor and saying that your spouse is not morally fit to be a leader in the company could jeopardize not only the employed spouse’s income, but the income of the entire household. You don’t want to hurt yourself in seeking revenge.

Third, ask yourself, can you forgive him or her? While I am assuming that the overwhelming answer to this question is “no,” I have spoken with and represented people who have dark secrets in their marriages. On more than a few occasions I have met people who are raising a child that my client knew was not his biological child before the child’s birth and stayed married to the straying wife. Getting divorced is not quick; it is not easy. Also, getting divorced may adversely affect your economic future for years to come. Additionally, if the two of you have children you are going to have to deal with each other for years to come.

Fourth, talk to a lawyer before you engage in any self help. By self help I mean emptying out joint bank accounts, liquidating any stock or investment accounts, or anything along those lines.  While you may feel that you are justified in your action because of what your partner did to you, a judge may not agree with your reaction. Right now, you are the sympathetic party. Don’t lose that status trying to take something you may very well end up with anyway.

Finally, does the public humiliation have any effect on the divorce? While the incident in the video happened in Massachusetts and I am only licensed to practice law in Pennsylvania, I can say that the effect on a Pennsylvania divorce would be minimal. The “who gets what” of divorce is called equitable distribution. Having an affair, no matter how public, is called marital misconduct, and in Pennsylvania marital misconduct is specifically excluded from factoring into equitable distribution. Same for how the marriage ended, with the idea being to eliminate as much of the emotion from the process as possible and focus on the economic issues.

Again, speaking only about Pennsylvania, marital misconduct is one of many factors considered in terms of alimony. But, in my experience, hearing officers, mediators, arbitrators, and judges focused on the economic issues in a case, and not whether the marriage ended with an incredibly awkward short video clip that was the talk of the entire nation.

In closing, divorce is an intensely personal decision and process. It can also be painful. The attorneys of the Family Law Group at Weber Gallagher will listen to your situation and offer discreet, sympathetic, and appropriately aggressive representation should you decide to move forward with a divorce.